As I mentioned in my birthday post, something I’ve realised in life is that you should always be open to learning things about yourself. Well, something I learned about myself in 2018 is that I’m constantly worrying about my future and that I'm one of those people who always has to be doing something. If I’m not at uni I’m doing work, if not working then I’m blogging and if not blogging then I’m reading – and what about all that time I get off in between semesters? Throw me a 30 hour week and I’ll do some waitressing. My brain literally can’t switch off.
Something I learned very recently is that because I’m always doing something, I’m often thinking about what to do next. This isn’t just small scale, either. Not “I’m revising right now and will cook then write a post”, oh I wish…no. It’s “I’m at university until 2021 then I need to do this, this and this and then do this to be able to do this”. My anxieties related to my future are slowly driving me to insanity. So, here’s a chirpsy little post on why the hell am I so worried about my future?!
I think one answer that isn’t so worrying is that I’m super excited about my future. Visiting New York over the summer and moving from an incredibly small town in the countryside to a capital city has made me ecstatic to see all the places I possibly can and experience them in my own way. If I could, I would pack my bags and move to New York in a heartbeat … imagine all the other places I can see and fall in love with along the way! And let’s talk about how exciting growing my blog and getting settled into a career is going to be – I literally cannot wait.
Another pretty similar answer is that I’m constantly setting goals. I like bettering myself and I think goal-setting is a very positive thing for me. So, when I’m always making goals I want to think about things further into the future, career-wise, blog-wise and personal-life wise (my personal life has literally no goals other than to travel and own at least one Chow Chow). I wouldn’t be my goal-getting, ambitious self if I wasn’t thinking about my future all the time.
Next? Well, I hate to admit it but maybe I’m wishing my life away a little. I despised my year of A Levels and I really spent the whole time thinking “this will be over soon”. I have to be honest and say I’m sick of education. I love learning and socialising but I hate the exams and essays and I’m just so ready to live that maybe I’m wishing away the next few years (and don’t even get me started on whether I want to do a masters or not).
I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with me wanting to get stuck into the “boring” everyday life, right now I’m immersing myself into university (getting way too drunk too many times a week? I’m your gal), definitely living in the now and I’m enjoying it, but I really think I’m ready for some more adventures and maybe my future is where those experiences are.
Thank you for reading my little ramble, Soph’s babbling posts are definitely back! Do you find that you worry about your future a lot or are you more of a ‘live in the moment’ kind of person?